


Snow and Suits

by Anarchy-Schmanarchy (Murder_Schmurder)



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Boreal boys pog, Cold Weather, Fluff, Gen, Slice of Life, Survival expert Philza being just so tired of his two idiot neighbours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murder_Schmurder/pseuds/Anarchy-Schmanarchy
Summary: “Just wear a hat, mate,” Philza sighed from the doorway, offering up a bit of fabric that did look very cozy - but Ranboo shook his head.“Can’t. It’ll get caught on the crown.”Philza has a lot of opinions on cold weather gear and a suit does not agree with any of them. A compromise is in order, even if no such words are ever said.
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade, Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 488





	Snow and Suits

**Author's Note:**

> For the Zablr discord writing channel, my beloved. Wrote this in two sittings yesterday, cleaned it up, posted. Hope you enjoy!!

What they don't tell you, about cold places, is how small they are. 

Not the area itself, necessarily: The space Techno has claimed is large, a tundra field big enough that it's difficult to see the other side stretching out from his base. Two villages are under his protection, and the Beacon cutting through the hillside is a sign that can be seen for miles. 

When the north wind blows down from the mountains, none of that matters. 

Ranboo could barely see two steps ahead of him, following the path of lanterns set up between his house and Techno and Philza’s newly renovated place. When the weather got like this, the miles of wintry fields disappeared as if they never existed - the villages were unreachable, and even the Beacon was barely visible through the whipping snow. Hell, the distance between his house and theirs, barely a few steps, took minutes of wading through the encroaching snow. 

Everything grew smaller, more compact, as if curling up from the incoming winds.

If he could have chosen, Ranboo would have done the same: stayed inside with something warm, curled up with his cats. But noooo, he’d promised Philza he’d help sort the chests today. Philza said it like an offer, but… he didn’t want to  _ not _ show up and make Philza annoyed at him. That would suck. 

So Ranboo hurried through the blizzard, ignoring the wet burn against his calves, eyes determinedly closed against the fire dancing low against his cheeks. He just had to follow the trail of lanterns, just a few steps more - 

He stumbled against the stone, almost falling on the steps. Right. New staircase. He was almost bent over half-way against the wind, and it helped to force himself up - even though his hands ached with cold and fire in equal parts.

Well up on the path between the houses there was some relief. Someone - probably Techno - had put up a windbreaker, making the path... not entirely free of wind or cold, but significantly less painful to exist in. Ranboo looked between the two houses for a moment. Philza had his new place, but - surely his stuff was still in Techno’s house? 

But if it wasn’t, Techno would probably be annoyed at him for coming inside. But Philza would be annoyed if he didn’t come as quickly as he could.

He looked between the two for another minute before an especially violent shiver shook him out of his spiralling thoughts. Right, right, focus. He couldn’t get stuck in thoughts. Especially not here. That could actually literally kill him.

Another moment of indecision and he turned to Techno’s home, stumbling as he began walking again - snow had built up around his feet, he hadn’t expected it. 

He knocked on the door, maybe a bit heavy to be polite, but Techno opened quickly nevertheless. 

“Heh - Ranboo, what are you doing out?” 

Ranboo shrugged.

“I was coming over to help Philza. Uh, with his chests. Is he here?” 

Techno shook his head.

“Ranboo, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a blizzard. You didn’t need to come over.”

“Oh.” Ranboo should have known, yeah. They were busy, and - yeah, he’d been stupid. “I’ll, uh, go back then.”

Techno gave another long sigh.

“No, no come on in. He’s here, he’ll appreciate the help. If you’re here anyway.” Techno stepped back, leaving the door open, and Ranboo hurried in and closed it securely behind him again. 

It was - a lot warmer in here. He hadn’t noticed how cold he’d gotten until the heat him like a wall and he felt himself unfold, closing his eyes for just a second to - bask.

“Mate, are you for real still wearing that suit?” 

  
The words were amused, but Ranboo still flinched. He’d forgotten there were other people there. Philza was watching him patiently, sitting with his feet kicked up on a chest by the fire. He was stretched out almost in spite of the too-close effect of the blizzard. Ranboo remembered something about cold and joints and pain, spying the can propped up by the chest in the next moment. 

Wait, what had he said? Right. Suit.

“Uh - yes. I mean - yeah, I always wear this?” Ranboo replied, somewhat confused. Philza sighed. 

“No wonder you keep going through burn cream like you’re in some tropical paradise. That’s already soaking, I’m sure.” 

Ranboo looked closer at his jacket. Huh. It was. He lifted one leg to inspect it - yep, both his dress shoes and pants were soaked through with icy water, and he could feel the glowing heat of them against his skin like embers now that Philza mentioned it.

Still.

“There’s - that’s just how it gets, though? In the snow. Everything is wet and cold.”

“Glad to see you got your eyes with you,” Techno cut in with a rumble, and suddenly something heavy dropped across his shoulders. “Just wear this when you go back later.” 

How Techno could be so quiet even when he was almost as tall as Ranboo and twice as wide, he’d never know. Still, Techno moved with the comfort of a man in his element and sat down next to Philza, twin looks of poorly hidden amusement on their faces as Ranboo examined the fabric.

It was - a cloak. Pale blue, with a stylized flower - or was it a sun? - emblazoned across the back. It looked familiar. Ranboo was sure someone had told him the story behind it at some point - when he brushed his hand across it, memories of warm fires and laughs and safety sparked across his mind. 

But here it was, on a cloak, over Ranboo’s shoulders. And as warm as it was - 

“Thanks, but no thanks,” he said, draping it gently over a hook by one of the windows. “I’m good.”

“Mate,” Philza sighed again. “That suit is gonna get you killed, one of these days. It’s not very practical.”

“No, but it’s mine,” Ranboo replied quietly, twisting his fingers around his wrist and looking anywhere but the other two. He didn’t know  _ why _ the suit was important, but it was. To him. 

He didn’t see Techno give Philza a nudge, tilting his head. Philza rolled his eyes, and Techno huffed, tapping his feet. Philza tapped his feet against the floor, twice, and then stood with a groan and a stretch, slow and methodical.

“Alright then. Get in front of the fire so you’ll dry out that suit of yours, I’ll get the chests.”

Ranboo brightened. 

“I can get them!” he immediately offered, already halfway down the ladder to the storage area.

“Do you know which ones are mine?” Philza called down after him, and Ranboo froze before sticking his head up through the ladder opening. 

“Uh… all the ones with building stuff in it?” 

That, for some reason, made Philza laugh - a full belly laugh, not mirrored by Techno who just huffed. 

“Fair enough. I’ll come down and show you,“ Philza said with a grimace and headed over to the ladder, supporting himself on the chests as he walked. Ranboo frowned, casting an eye to the cane left by the fire.

“Maybe, uh - you can just tell me, and I’ll hand them up to you?” he said hesitantly, hoping he wasn’t overstepping. “So, uh, you don’t need to go down the ladder. Or not. You, uh, know best.” He was looking down again, not wanting to see Philza’s surely annoyed look.

Instead there was a slight huff of laughter, and a creak as Philza sat down by the ladder.

“Alright, mate. Check the one in the bottom left, first.” 

Ranboo nodded and ducked down, glad to have a job. The closeness felt less cloying, in here with Techno muttering to himself over a book and Philza calling down instructions. More… comfortable. 

  
  


\----------------------

Ranboo had hoped the clothing argument would be over after that evening - but no. Not at all, it turned out. Every time he visited either Techno or Philza, there’d be a new cloak waiting - the light blue one turned up a few times, and so did a green one, twin holes in the back that almost folded away amongst the fabric. Even Techno’s own red cloak showed up once or twice. 

Ranboo was especially careful about folding that one, every time he put it away.

And while Philza didn’t quite tell him to get rid of the suit again, he did… argue. 

“You know, Ranboo, wearing cotton closest to the skin is really bad for the cold,” he’d say conversationally as they were shovelling snow off the path towards the bee farm. 

“Uh huh?” Ranboo said, busy trying to organize his limbs into something that wouldn’t have him tripping over himself on the small path.

“Yeah. Real bad for freezing weather especially. The cotton traps any sweat from exertion, and - “

“I don’t sweat,” Ranboo said, continuing to work - only pausing when the sound of philza’s shovelling stopped. 

“...What?” Philza said, staring at him. Ranboo blinked.

“I don’t - I’m part enderman, Philza. water literally burns my skin. You know this.” 

“But how - you must do heat regulation somehow.”

Ranboo shrugged.

“Probably. If it helps, I don’t really do too well in hot climates? I overheat really easy.”

“But there’s endermen in the nether,” Philza argued back, and Ranboo could only shrug with a self-conscious sort of laugh.

“I’m not the best to ask about these things, you know,” he said, knocking against his own head slightly to indicate his memory problems. “Sorry.”

Philza laughed slightly at that.

“No worries mate. Sorry for, uh, interrogating you about it.”

“No problem!” Ranboo smiled, and they continued to shovel their way towards the bees humming in the cold.

“A dress shirt is still really bad for the cold though. I’m just saying.”

\----------------------

  
A few days later, Ranboo was helping to repair the windbreaker along the stone wall connecting Philza’s and Techno’s house. It was snowing just a bit, and Ranboo had taken up position closest to the wall to avoid the snowflakes settling in his hair.

“Just wear a hat, mate,” Philza sighed from the doorway, offering up a bit of fabric that did look very cozy - but Ranboo shook his head. 

“Can’t. It’ll get caught on the crown.”

“Must you wear the crown, then?” Philza said, exasperated. “It’s not like there’s anyone but us here, and like 80% of heat loss happens through the skull - “

“Now Philza,” Techno cut in, that smug tone that meant trouble thick in his voice. “We’ve discussed this before. The crown stays.”

Ranboo shot him a questioning look - he couldn’t remember a discussion like that, and he was pretty sure he’d remember this particular mix of awkwardness and amusement. Then his eyes caught on the low, dark-gold circlet on Techno’s head.

Oh. 

Philza groaned. 

“It’s a health hazard for you and it’s a health hazard for him! Even more so, actually!” 

“Now I don’t know about that,” Techno said, and boy, this was clearly a discussion they’d had a million times before. They did that a lot, Ranboo had realized - work over the same arguments over and over again, without ever growing bored of it.

“You’ll freeze your ears off!” Philza argued, gesturing between Techno and Ranboo both. Ranboo shrugged, and froze only a little when Techno slung an arm over his shoulder and leaned forward slightly, mockingly putting his face closer to Philza’s level.

“Think of the style points, old man! Ranboo here clearly knows the value of a Look.”

“To hell with the style points,” Philza argued back, but Ranboo could see the barely contained grin on his face. “You won’t have any style points left with frost-bitten ears. Or burn wounds in your scalp, for that matter,” he said, gesturing to Ranboo.

“I’m sorry Philza, but it’s two against one in the crown-off. You’re just gonna have to take your sad little hats elsewhere, until they’re as fashionable as we are,” Techno replied, high and mighty, and Ranboo could not have contained a laugh if he tried as Philza threw his arms - and the hat - up in defeat. 

\----------------------

Ranboo blinked at the floor. Tilted his head.

No, that didn’t change anything. His shoes were still gone, replaced by… boots? 

  
Yes. Boots. Taller than his dress shoes, black and sleek but with fur on the inside. They look nice. Comfy. But definitely not his. Had someone forgotten them here? 

He looked around, thinking he might have misplaced them. Not under his bed. Not in the chests. Not by the sugarcane greenhouse. Not even Enderchest had spirited them away.

There was a knock on his door, and Ranboo almost fell over from where he was bent behind the chest stack, trying to see if they’d somehow fallen there.

“Yeah, come in!” he called, struggling his way back out into the main room just in time to see Techno step inside with an impatient air. 

“You’re taking your time. We gotta go soon, or we’re never gonna get to that mansion.”

“Uh, yeah!” Ranboo said, waving as he got his balance back. “I’m just looking for my shoes. Are those yours, by the way?” he pointed towards the boots. “Or, uh, right, you don’t - “ he winced, glancing at Techno’s bare feet - hooves, more like. Techno shook his head and gave the boots a long, suspicious look.

“Nah. But I think I know how they got here.” 

“Oh?” Ranboo said, perking up. Techno shook his head.

“First, uh, try them out? I guess? I gotta go have some words with Philza.” With that he swept out, door slamming just behind his cape. Ranboo blinked, but it wasn’t as if he could follow Techno without his shoes.

He glanced at the boots. If Techno said he could put them on…

He put his foot down carefully, ears twitching at the new texture. It wasn’t - bad, per say. Really nice, actually, soft but not itchy. Like a pair of slippers, but long. Something hummed through them, and as Ranboo looked closer he almost fell over from shock - what he’d first thought was leather was in fact netherite plates, black as night except for the slight purple sheen of enchantments hammered into the edges of each little plate. They overlapped, bottom to top, creating an almost scale-like texture that bent as he did. 

Ranboo had never seen anything like it. 

He took a few steps, wearing just one of the boots. It was - nice. Warm. Hesitating, he put on the other, stepping out a moment later. It had snowed the night before, a calf-height layer only disturbed by Techno’s footsteps, creating two even rows of holes leading back towards the twin houses. 

Normally that would have Ranboo wincing at the prospect of even a short walk, but… the boots let him walk unhindered through the snow, even stopped his instantly soaked dress pants from touching his skin. 

They stopped the waterburn. they fit him. They fit his outfit. 

Almost too well. 

Ranboo was no fool, even if he often forgot it. He could put two and two together. And Philza had been making a lot of comments about proper footwear lately.

He headed towards Philza’s house after a moment of hesitation, interrupted when the door opened and Techno stepped out, immediately zeroing in on him. He met Ranboo on the walkway, handing over his dress shoes - perfectly fine and shined. 

“Here you go,” He said gruffly, casting a glance over his shoulder. “No harm. Won’t be a problem again.” 

Ranboo took the shoes, glad to have them back. Although… He wiggled his toes. That would have been almost impossible in his dress shoes - they were tighter than the boots, and he would have already been feeling the chill seeping in. 

“Thank you,” he said, putting the shoes away in his pack. Just in case. “But uh. If it’s okay, I’ll keep these boots for now?” 

Techno gave him a look before laughing under his breath. 

“Course. Just don’t let it get to his head, alright?” he nudged Ranboo slightly, almost softly enough that Ranboo didn’t have to brace. There was no need to clarify who he was talking about, not with the exasperated looks he kept giving Philza’s home. “We style appreciators gotta stick together, right?” 

Ranboo laughed softly. 

“Yeah, we do. Wanna get going?” 

“Thought you’d never ask,” Techno grinned, and they set off over the planes together - one unaware of, and the other firmly ignoring, Philza’s victory dance in the window. 

\----------------------

A week later, Ranboo found a short cape on a hook in his house. It was simple, black, and unassuming - the same fabric as his suit jacket, in fact. The clasp for it was a small, bright blue chrysanthemum set in gold. 

He laughed, but tried it on anyway. The fabric settled lightly over his shoulders, warm even in the relative comfort of his home. 

Maybe some concessions to survival could be made. Especially if they fit him this well.

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone was wondering, Techno went into Philza's house to yell at him a little about taking Ranboo's stuff when he clearly relies on it for comfort and stability. And by yell, I mean it went something like this:
> 
> "Did you nab his shoes?"  
> "Yeah mate, he was never gonna wear the boots otherwise."  
> "It's Ranboo. he's weird about it."  
> "You think he's weird about everything, mate."  
> "He's weird about it like I was weird about my cape, back when."  
> "Huh. Fuck."  
> "Yeah. I'm getting these back to him."
> 
> ....But probably with less words. Couldn't fit it in, what with Ranboo's pov, so enjoy.


End file.
